Today is the day.....

Right now it's the day. Tuesday, September 30, 2008. In about, oh, 14 hours I'll be on my merry way to the OB/GYN. I'm a little nervous...in the 11 years I have gotten my paps done, I have never had an abnormal result. I'm a little freaked out. And I know, oftentimes I read tooo much into stuff, but IT'S MY problem now, not someone at work, not the lady down the street...there's no filter to what goes in my head about ME. I read every last fine detail. What I have learned about the cells found in my pap are that High Grade Intraepithelial Squamous lesions are commonly associated with cervical cancer. Now, I know, I KNOW this does NOT mean I have cancer, just means there is a high association. Low Grade Intraepithelial Squamous Lesions are associated with HPV, or Human Papilloma Virus. Again, I know it's not a cancer diagnosis until after the LEEP and the tissue is sent for biopsy, but still, I am scared.

What scares me the MOST about this is the fact that it snuck up on me so FAST. And I thank the good Lord above for putting Dr. Duque in my life as my doctor because she decided to do the pap to begin with...I hadn't had one in over a year ( I was lax because I had never had an abnormal) and figured, what the hey...just do it. If it weren't for her, I'd have known about the ruptured 5 cm cyst, but I would have never known about the lesion until it was too late.

Too late. Never a word I want to hear.

So 14 hours from now I'll be up in stirrups hating life as always in that position (seems like that's all I've gotten done at the doctor lately) while they use a blade like wire to trim peices of my cervix away to send off. Yes, the bejesus has been scared out of me. But I also know I'm in good hands.