Today today!

Wow, just had to write today was a very busy day! This morning I got up at 8, got dressed and went to my hair appointment (which I just love doing) and came home to everyone still in jammies! After a few moments of laziness, we all got dressed and headed for the great outdoors. We decided this weekend was going to be the best to get everything picked up for the year. We raked leaves for Logan to jump in, put away outdoor toys and burned our yard trash (just leaves and grass, old dead flowers). We were at it from noon until after six this evening raking, cutting, piling, burning and sweeping. We got our halloween decorations down and are all buckled down for the winter to come.

This evening I checked the mail and my favorite magazine came: Nursing Made Incredibly Easy! This magazine has been my no fail savior throughout nursing school because there are so many topics on things that are covered. The topic though, for Nov/Dec is what caught my eye...Cervical Cancer. What are the chances of reading an actual issue I'm facing! So I read the 6 page article and was impressed. I already knew everything that was in there, but it's good to read another NURSE'S perspective.

The inlaws came in this evening, and they got pizza while I got my fill of Chipotle. I had to have it because, well, cravings during the week before "that time of the month" are a pain! And we just had pizza Thursday and I can't eat that much in 2 days.

Now we are all down for the night. Logan's pooped out in her bed, Sadie is curled up in her favorite chair, and Bill's schnoozin' away.

I love good, productive family days like this.

And I am ADDICTED

A few months ago, some girlfriends of mine and I all met at The Greene. We had lunch at Adobe Gila's and walked around the place for a while. The Greene is an all outdoor shopping mall, featuring many different specialty shops from Cheryl and Co, Moochie and Co for the pets and Fossil. They also have my latest (and unfortunately expensive) addiction: SEPHORA.

Oh Sephora. I say that orgasmically.

Sephora is a store that specializes in beauty products. Before I had my daughter, I was quite the beauty buff. I had many mascaras, foundations, powders, eyeshadows...I was the queen of all things Clinique. Of course back before children I had a much more stable job and a better income than I have today...which is none! But I took out money when my marriage situation wasn't good and thought I'd need it to get an apartment or whatnot...thank goodness my marriage worked out. But I was left with some extra change. So, it was put to use and put away and I live off of a set amount each month. Unfortunately with an addiction so grand as Sephora, my monthly "allowance" isn't good enough!

My trip to Sephora that frosty October night was mainly for a fragrance I was buying for myself because I had passed OB nursing, Humanities and did so during a VERY Difficult time in my life. I had just been diagnosed with Cervical cancer, lost my job, and things were just overall difficult for me and my family. I hate hard times because, well, we haven't experienced anything like this before and weren't exactly prepared for this. Frivolous spending isn't exactly in our vocabulary right now. But I did it...I went and bought "Daisy" by Mark Jacobs. Oh and it smells great.

I also bought Smashbox photofinish primer and Cargo Foundation, a pair of tweezers and an eyelash curler.

All for the low low price of...well let's not discuss that! Ha!

So if you are ever in the area of a lovely Sephora...stop in. Their beauty experts will show you the way to looking (and feeling) fabulous. And smelling that way, too :).

Not so sure what to think anymore

Well, for a while I sat unsure of how to put my feelings into words. I guess I can start now. But I still don't know how to put feelings into something that'll make sense.

I guess right now my biggest feeling is alone. And I honestly don't know why I feel so alone, but I do. I look around and see so many people by my side, and I'm so grateful for that, but I can't help but feel alone. It's not my husband nor my daughter (a 3 year old never leaves you alone). It's not his family, nor my friends...Andrea, Esme, Sarah and Jaime are the best friends I could have.

So why do I feel so alone?

I guess maybe it's my family. I told my dad about the cancer diagnosis about a week ago and I honestly didn't get the genuine feeling that he cared. He stated he wasn't going to tell my stepmom right away, which is his decision, but I felt she needed to know. I'm sure right now you are asking "why don't you call her yourself if you are so damned worried about it then?". Because my calls go unanswered. So Dad told me that night he told Melissa and her mother about my cancer diagnosis. Who was the first to call me? Melissa's mom. Melissa has yet to call and ask how I'm doing. How I'm feeling and taking everything. If she were to call she'd know I'm scared to death. She'd know I'm honestly scared about having a second baby, although a mother of 2 I always wanted to be, but it's scarying being pushed into the unknown without a flashlight. That's what I consider this.

There's another part to the scary unknown however.

I spoke with a good friend of mine, she actually is my old boss from years ago when I worked for a family physician. Susan's a mother of 5 who knows just about everyone there is to know. I told her what my OB found out and she sounded scared for me. More scared than I am. She urged me to get a second opinion. I guess maybe it's not a bad idea, I just don't want to go making my current OB mad...I need a good doctor (or two or three) in my life and want to keep it that way.

But she had an interesting reason for getting the second opinion.

Adenocarcinoma can come back whenever, however. It's also very misleading. I will have paps every 6 months and while they may be negative...I could actually be growing cancer cells within the mucuos crypts (oh that sounds dark and desolate!) and those won't go noticed for a while. Susan asked if I was so sure I wanted to wait a year to have this hysterectomy...while it's great that Logan will have a sibling, what happens if the cancer comes back and worse...becomes...INVASIVE while I'm pregnant. We don't know these things. We were just told get pregnant now and get the box removed.

I don't know what to do. No one is in my situation and therefore it makes me feel that much more isolated.

I don't want a hysterectomy. At 27 I'm supposed to enjoy being a mom, getting this career underway and paying down some serious debt. But instead I'm working on having another baby (well, not actively) while finishing my degree so I can hurry up and graduate only to have a baby and a hysterectomy. Ugh.

I need a drink.

SALE!!!

I just got an email from Bath and Body Works and it triggered a thought in my mind.

Did you ever notice, there is a SALE for just about every reason possible? "baby days sale" "columbus day sale" "because we just aren't selling enough sale". It makes me sit back and think of the days I worked in retail. I remember looking at prices marked on clothing and wondering...if it's marked 32.99...does it ever sell for 32.99?

The answer to that has got to be no. I mean, every time we turn around, there is a sale going on. Everything in a store, with many brands excluded, is always on sale...whether it's 10% off, buy one get one free, or buy 2 get the third half off. And even if the item is full price, sign up for that department store's credit card, add it to the stack of 50 you have at home and BAM...you save an additional 20%!!!

So as I sit here and ramble on about sales, I also wonder in the back of my mind...one of these days there's going to be a "never pay full price for anything" sale!

Just blabbering...

Today has been a rough day. I woke up this morning to the sound of my little girl saying "Momma...I come to bed with you...". I just love these mornings, I love snuggling with my snugglebug and just taking my time waking up. I love seeing her precious little face and her little stuffed animals she brings with her. I love seeing her hair a mess and her binker in her mouth.

After a breif snuggle, we got up and got breakfast. It's a first for me to be up so early in the morning, but we did it. After breakfast I tackled 5 overstuffed loads of laundrybaskets to put away. And I got it all done just shy of noon! Whew!

Then after her nap I got her dressed to go to her aunt's house. Tonight was the night we were meeting with the OB/GYN about my biopsy results that had come in on Monday. I was a wreck all day but kept it together as much as I could. I didn't want to hear the grim words. I didn't want to hear the treatment. I just wanted it all to be a bad dream and wake up to being healthy again.

It just doesn't happen that way, does it?

I'm going to blog it here, but honestly my family doesn't know what's going on. I mean, my husband, mother in law and all them know, and a few close friends know. I had cancer. I had adenocarcinoma of the cervix. As my OB/GYN stated, there were 2 kids of cancer, one being a result of HPV, and the other just popping in for no reason. HPV cancer is slow going and often is treated and that's it. Not adenocarcinoma. Not my cancer. My cancer arises from the mucous glands of the cervix, and while the LEEP removed the malignancy, it will come back. I thank God every day it was a stage 0, that it was not invasive. My doc informed me that we can still have more kids, however, we needed to do it now and not later. I don't have the luxury of waiting now to have another child. And once we have this baby and we know for certain we are done, well, I have to have a total hysterectomy. That's the part that scares the shit out of me. I never wanted to be 27 with this kind of cancer. I wanted to be 27 in the start of my awesome new career and enjoying life! Not that I won't if I have the hysterectomy, but it'll be different.

I'm rambling on here because honestly I am scared to death. I am going back and forth on having another baby. I am going back and forth about delaying the hysterectomy. I have my reasons, my doubts. I'm just not sure how this is all supposed to play out now.

Guess I'll sleep on it and decide.

Tagged!

Esme tagged me on her blog, but she's my only reader so I better make this interesting!!!!!


1. Where is your cell phone? Beside me silenced.
2. Your significant other? Is the most amazing person ever. He treats me like gold and I love him very much.
3. Your hair? Is a nasty mess and needs washed/styled.
4. Your mother? is in heaven. Love you momma!
5. Your father? Playing cops and robbers in South Charleston
6. Your favorite thing? Happiness and flowers!
7. Your dream last night? I don't know that I had one.
8. Your favorite drink? Alcoholic? Raspberry margarita. Non? McD's Sweet tea! Yum!
9. Your dream/goal? Longterm: to be a successful nurse, a great mother and a kickass wife. Short term: to get healthier.
10. The room you're in? Bedroom
11. Your hobby? Shopping
12. Your fear? failure
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? employed? LOL! I'd like to be in a bigger house with my family.
14. What you're not? rich
15. Muffin? I have a muffin top that I need to rid myself of. Oh you mean food? Blueberry!
16. One of your wish list items? a Nintendo Wii
17. Where you grew up? Springfield
18. The last thing you did? This survey, and it got deleted so I have to do it again.
19. What are you wearing? osu tshirt and sweatpants and flipflops
20. Favorite gadget? my palm centro.
21. Your pets? Are both asleep! Snore!
22. Your computer? Is red and I love it.
23. Your mood? Scared/nervous.
24. Missing someone? mmmm...no, not really
25. Your car? Needs detailed...it's a mess and the detail is FREE!
26. Something you're not wearing? socks.
27. Favorite store? Wow there's a few...old navy, children's place, target, kohls, the whole outlet center
28. Like someone? Sure! I like everyone!!!
29. Your favorite color? Pink, blue, white, red, grey
30. When is the last time you laughed? This morning.
31. Last time you cried? Last night.

I tag....the next person to read this!

"Misty, this is Leslie from Dr. W's office, please give me a call at......."

Today was the day. And I sort of knew that, but I half ass expected to hear it tomorrow, not Monday.

I was on the phone arguing with Sprint over my f'n cell phone bill when I saw the first 3 numbers of the number beeping in. I ignored it because my ignorant ass didn't recognize the number at first. Then they called my cell phone. Damnit...doctors only call the cell when it's important.

Oh shit. It's Dr. W. I guess it's important.

So, I called back. Hell I'd just spent the last 2 hours of my life fighting over a $630 bill with Sprint...I'll spend another 5 hearing decent news. I thought Les was just calling to tell me it was HPV and not what she really said.

"Mis, the biopsy came back and showed Carcinoma In Situ.(voice trailed off here). Dr. W. says if you want another baby you need to do it now." Les explained to me as calmly as she normally does. She's good like that.

"Cancer?" I asked. "In Situ isn't bad though"

"Well, not exactly cancer," she continued. I didn't hear the rest of it because I know CIS is cancer. Just not invasive cancer. "He wants you in for a consultation this week. Can you make it tomorrow?" she asked

"No, tomorrow's no good. Let's do Wednesday" I insisted. By now I'm trembling, knowing what this consult will lead to.

"Wednesday early or late?" she inquired. "Late, say, closing time" I answered.

"6:30? Last one of the day, he can relax and explain everything without a rush". She stated.

"Yeah, that will work. Logan's going to her aunt for the night, that'll be awesome".

"yeah, don't bring Logan. This is too important and you need your full attention on what he's going to tell you" Leslie informed me.

So I called my husband. I was extremely calm (too calm for his liking) when I explained the result he was shocked. We both didn't expect the cancer diagnosis. But it could have been worse...it could have NOT been detected 3 weeks ago. I could have not gone to the doctor for the pain. But something told me to go...I think that voice was God telling me I needed to get in and get in now.

I'll admit, I'm scared. I know I'm in good hands, but I am scared. What does CIS mean for the future? I mean, yes, it's ecapsulated...woo hoo. Is it gone? I don't know. Did the cells travel up the cervix? I don't know that either.

What I do know is right now I need all the love and support in the world because bad luck seems to be following me around.

It's over...

At 4:00 this afternoon (or 1600 for those of you who prefer military time :) ) I underwent my LEEP. First, the IUD came out. Wow...I never expected it to hurt like it did, but it was a quick ouch and it was over. Then came the LEEP procedure. The doctor inserted the speculum and placed a gel filled pad on my right leg. Before numbing the area with lidocaine, he cleaned the area with iodine and then numbed me up. The numbing hurt the most as lidocaine burns when it goes in. After numbing was complete, the machine was turned on and the surgery began. I was awake for the whole thing and I bet he wishes I was knocked out because my nerves cause me to talk more than normal (and for those who know me well probably feel for the doctor at this point!). I didn't feel much other than some minor "shock" feeling sensations as the electrode cut away the lesion. I did smell some burning because, well, that's what was entailed, some cauderization. The procedure took about 20 minutes and when I was done I was shaky, shocked and cramping pretty bad. The MA showed me the lesion he took out (and that was fine because I can handle seeing my own tissue) and my eyes widened...the section was about 1 inch by 1 inch or a little less. I'm not exagerating on the size. In the center of pink tissue lay a strip of whitish-grey...the mass. The cervix is normally about 5-6 inches long, so one inch isn't really a big deal. After that was all done, I got dressed and went home.

I am so glad that's over now. Because not only will we know WHAT it was, we'll know that it's GONE. That really eases my mind.

Today is the day.....

Right now it's the day. Tuesday, September 30, 2008. In about, oh, 14 hours I'll be on my merry way to the OB/GYN. I'm a little nervous...in the 11 years I have gotten my paps done, I have never had an abnormal result. I'm a little freaked out. And I know, oftentimes I read tooo much into stuff, but IT'S MY problem now, not someone at work, not the lady down the street...there's no filter to what goes in my head about ME. I read every last fine detail. What I have learned about the cells found in my pap are that High Grade Intraepithelial Squamous lesions are commonly associated with cervical cancer. Now, I know, I KNOW this does NOT mean I have cancer, just means there is a high association. Low Grade Intraepithelial Squamous Lesions are associated with HPV, or Human Papilloma Virus. Again, I know it's not a cancer diagnosis until after the LEEP and the tissue is sent for biopsy, but still, I am scared.

What scares me the MOST about this is the fact that it snuck up on me so FAST. And I thank the good Lord above for putting Dr. Duque in my life as my doctor because she decided to do the pap to begin with...I hadn't had one in over a year ( I was lax because I had never had an abnormal) and figured, what the hey...just do it. If it weren't for her, I'd have known about the ruptured 5 cm cyst, but I would have never known about the lesion until it was too late.

Too late. Never a word I want to hear.

So 14 hours from now I'll be up in stirrups hating life as always in that position (seems like that's all I've gotten done at the doctor lately) while they use a blade like wire to trim peices of my cervix away to send off. Yes, the bejesus has been scared out of me. But I also know I'm in good hands.

Comforts from the doctor.

Today I returned the call from my OBGYN. I have an appointment next Tuesday, 9/30 at 3:30 for my procedure, called a LEEP proceedure. At the appointment he was going to discuss the results of the u/s and of the pap but I needed in today because I was in unrelenting pain.

The reason I just love my OB...he's very calming. Maybe it's the Yellow Springs in him, but he's mellow, and of course in medicine that's a must...but not many docs have this gift. He calmly explained the cyst shown on the u/s from last week had ruptured (thank GOOOOOODNESSSSS!!!!!) but that the results of the pap are of concern and we must take care of that soon. Of course the good Doctor stressed must because I often will put things off. I put off a repeat u/s. I put off my pap smears for 3-5 years at a time. Well, I'm no longer a health procrastinator. I think he feared I'd cancel my LEEP and not do it and this precancerous shit would grow out of control. Nope...negative. I am going to show up for that appointment and will from here on out follow up on ever exam, test, repeat no matter what. At the time I will have the LEEP done, I will also have my IUD taken out. No more birth control for me. Why? We want another baby.

ASAP

Last week I saw my family physician for some severe right sided abdominal pain as noted in my last post. At the time she also did a pap smear because it's been about a year and a half since I had my last one and figured since she was down there, get it over with. Well, those weren't her words exactly though :) !

Today, the RN called me with the test results. All I heard was "severe dysplasia" and I started bawling. In clinical. I hung up and didn't know what to do so I ran to the bathroom because nausea was quickly building.

I discussed my results with my OB instructor who have me lots of resources on what to do and how. My husband and I are working on getting onto his insurance so I am covered.

I'm honestly not fearing anything right now. I am going to see my OB Tuesday to see the gameplan. Although, the office called 2 times today...they may want me in sooner.

For those of you who don't understand severe dysplasia...it is a severe growth of cancerous/precancerous cells. Possibly caused by HPV and if left untreated can cause cervical cancer.

I'll keep updating as I can.

She's home!!

I am happy to announce the (re)arrival of our sweet Boxer, Sadie. We had given her to my inlaws a few months ago so Bill and I could work on things and get our relationship back to normal. We decided it was time (as did my mother in law...she loves her but worries about her when she's at work) and last night was her first night back home. She's happy, healthy as a horse and HUGE! Wow those doggies grow so fast. She follows everyone around, loves to sit on laps and has to be with you in the bathroom (??). She's now 6 months old and a real gem! She's so silly! Our first night went off without a hitch, she slept in our bedroom beside my side of the bed and dreamed of puppychow there all night. Logan's sooooo happy to have her doggie back home too...she's upset though that Sadie can't sleep in her room just yet. We need to know she's trustworthy to sleep in another room (and she's awesome company for us at night!)

Welcome home, Sadie!

Why can't it just go SMOOTHLY?

Oh the dreadful thought of being jobless AND insuranceless.

I have a history of a large ovarian cyst on my right ovary. Yeah, it sucks, I have tried BCP for it for a month and it didn't go away. It started causing me trouble yesterday again...

I was grocery shopping with my child in Wal-mart when "F*** OUCH!" What the H was that? And "OH" again? By this point I'm squatting in the soup isle trying to gather my barings. I stand up and "SHIT!" it hurt again. I felt like I got shot or something burst. But "OOOHHHHH" it hurt so bad.

I managed to finish my shopping and got us to the car, loaded the car and crouched down beside Logan in the parking lot. I texted my husband, Bill, and said "my side really hurts bad". Within a few minutes he called me back and asked what was going on. I was driving trying to keep the pain off of my mind but by this time it was so rediculously bad that I just kept breathing. I explained to him what was happening and he became worried. Thought for sure I'd have to go to the ER, but I refused. He was afraid it was my appendix, I wasn't so sure but didn't want to endure the ER with a cranky hungry 3 year old by myself. Poor Bill was on his way back to the farm after making a delivery, so he couldn't get there immediately.

I got home, unloaded the car and got back in the house when the searing pain came back. I spent a good part of an hour trying to just calm down and NOT throw up because I was in so much pain. I felt cold, clammy and ill, the pain was more intense than I ever remember having.

I tried calling my OB/GYN who is out of town. Crap. So I pondered the ER again. Then I called my family doc who wanted to see me immediately. Immediately meant driving an hour to her office. I met up with Bill in a parking lot where he left his truck and came with me to the office.

In the office the pain began to subside. Every now and then I'd have some searing pain but not as bad as it origionally started out. I just sat still and tried hard not to cry. Finally I was called back.

In the office I was asked a million questions: surgeries, sexual history, pregnancy/birth...she ran the gauntlet. So then came the fun part we women just love...the pelvic. Well, at least she ruled out the appendix.

Up in those lovely stirrups she felt for my ovaries. She said she felt an odd mass over my right side and ordered a stat ultrasound. Back to town we flew.

The ultrasound went and I went home thank goodness. I got the results this morning: I have an abnormally shaped ovarian cyst on my right side. Abnormal? What's this mean? Hm, well it's not round like it should be. This scares the dickens out of me.

So while I am dreading the results of this lovely exam, I also have one more thing to consider. Insurance.

I won't go into the boring details but basically I'm not being scheduled enough hours to keep my insurance. My new nurse manager refuses to schedule me more than one day a week, and I am under worker's comp restrictions of working only 8 hours a day...which Community doesn't support. So I'm left with no hours, no insurance and thus no money.

Bill's elated I'm home with him and Logan...and I am happy about it too, but what do I do? Is it my fault for not fighting hard enough for my hours I had at Mercy? Is it my fault that I won't (and at this point can't) get my restrictions ammended? I just lost my worker's comp doc (she passed away last week) so it's not like I can just call and ask for this. I have to find another POR and go from there. And that's proven harder than it should be.

So back to my question of what to do! If I get regular insurance I won't be covered for this for a year. I graduate in 5 months and I'll have insurance through Good Sam if they hire me. But how serious is an irregular shaped cyst? They didn't say mass...they said cyst. Now, as a nurse I should know that irregular and cyst usually don't go well together. But it could be that it ruptured and that was the immense pain I felt.

I hate this feeling of what to do...especially with my health. I am also beating myself up for not doing something about it when I had the chance. But money is tight and doctors aren't free and work hours aren't paid when there isn't work that is done.

What to do.

Oh my gosh I've not written....

Take serious note of this! For I am a writer.

I sit here, on a chilly Saturday night, with really not much else to do or think about. Ok I lied. There's a lot on my mind. Not sure where to start, exactly.

Since my last entry in July, so much has been going on. We'll start with school. In July, I was newly vested in pediatric nursing. I had clinicals at Nationwide Children's Hospital in Columbus, which is a nice 6 story hospital dedicated to the lives of children. There were so many areas of the hospital I never knew existed...nor really wanted to know because the thought of sick children just pulls at my little heart strings. I can't bear to see my own little one sick, and I didn't like the thought of seeing others.

I was on a small unit, T6 (Tower 6) which is an infectious disease unit. The thought of "children" and "infectious disease" all together made me a little queasy. But it ended up not being that bad. I really liked how the nurses interacted with the children. All of them were VERY good...I could sit here and go on and on about how great of care these youngsters were receiving from these great nurses...some new grads and some were seasoned professionals. I actually ended up enjoying my time on T6, and then, it was gone. Time to take my ATI and my final and call peds done. Then on to OB.

Between Peds and OB, my husband of 6 years and I decided it was time for a getaway. I must admit, I was hesitant to go because I haven't been away from my daughter for more than a night ever. EVER. And I know her grandparents take good care of her, but still, she's my baby and I missed her so.

We went 400 miles away to Niagara Falls, Canada. It was absolutely amazing. Bill and I have been on a quest to help our marriage out, and this did the trick. The first night we were there, he surprised me with rose petals on the bed and Dove chocolate! He also wrote me the SWEETEST poem I'd ever read. I presented him with a watch. We went out that evening to the lookout over the falls, and around 10 we watched the fireworks. Then we decided to go to Fridays where we unknowingly spent 90 dollars on what? A beer, a margarita and some fajitas and a burger. SHIT! We were NOT expecting to go broke! So we went back to our hotel and enjoyed the hot tub before bed.

The next day we had a buffet breakfast in the hotel...the Marriott Fallsview. Breakfast was delish! Then we ventured out to see about tours. After scheduling a 6 hour tour, we took a little walk around the casinos and gambled a little (we both don't get into it, but had never done it before!) and then shot some pics of the falls. Then it was time for the tour. We did Journey Behind the Falls, the Maid of the Mist and went to a butterfly conservatory. It was AMAZING! Then back to the hotel where we got cleaned back up and went out again to the Hard Rock Cafe' and strolled around a shopping district that reminded me of a stationary fair!!! That night Bill gave me some earrings I'd been eyeing for a while and I was shocked!

The next morning, we had breakfast again, and discussed either staying one more night or heading home. We decided we'd head for home since we'd spent more than anticipated and I had clinicals Tuesday. On the way home, we stopped at some wineries and bought some wine. Again, a first for us because Bill's a Bud Light man and I'm more of a Margarita Mistress! But we got some wine we both like and some memories that will last forever at the vineyard!

And now on to work: This part is a little shocking!

Monday I called to see about my work schedule. I work at Springfield Regional Medical Center....SRMC, formerly known as Community Mercy Health Partners. I worked at the Mercy Campus for 6 months and then we all moved over to Community. In this transition, my floor got a new nurse manager. We had gone from a Coronary Care Stepdown unit to a med/surg with tele. No one was happy at all. Well, in the midst of all this, I had gone from working 2 12's on the weekends to 2 8's because of a knee injury that was bothering me again. My new nurse manager didn't want to work with me about it. She decided only to schedule me 3 days a month. With this, I will lose my medical insurance and what's the use of working 24 hours a month? yeah, not much, so my husband told me to quit. And I am.

It's hard to think of myself as a non-working person. I know it's the best thing for now, but what else do I do! I have applied for a casual call position at another hospital knowing darn well I don't need it. The cool thing? I have an ER internship waiting for me at Good Samaritan Hospital when I graduate. Yeah, I'm excited about that one.

So while there's been so much going on, there's a little sort of update. Keep praying all works out for us in the next 5 months...I'm just a little nervous.

Keep an eye on this...

This is going well.....oddly

In my quest to lose some poundage, I've come to realize that it doesn't necessarily take diet AND exercise to lose weight.

I have lost about 15lbs in the last 3 weeks or so, and haven't really worked out much. I feel lazy.

How did I manage 15lbs and little workout? Maybe it's the pop...Yep...leaving that alone helps. Maybe it's the smaller sizes. MMM, yep, that helps too. Maybe it's also the metabolife I'm taking. MMm hardly since I take it every other day when I feel like it.

Next week I'm getting back to running. Couch to 5k here I come (again!)!

Back on my own 2 feet

Per request of a best friend of mine, I decided to update. Here's to you, Lola!

I don't really know what to write when it comes to blogging. I write very well, when I feel like it, but I guess that's because when the time's right, the words just fall out of my fingertips.

So, to the topic "Back on my own 2 feet".

It's been an interesting couple of weeks. I had started a program called "Couch to 5K". I was doing well. Then my knee acted up. So I stopped doing it for a while. Today my knee is much better and within the week I'll be back at running again. I just want it to completely heal because knee injuries yo, are no joke. I'm only working 16 hours right now at work. I am 3 weeks into the new semester with Chamberlain, and about 6 months from now, you'll see Misty, RN popping up everywhere, pending passing my NCLEX. So there's my personal life.

In the relationship side, Bill and I are healing. And I'm pretty sure everyone knows what that means. Every day is a new day that puts the past further and further behind us, and I'm thankful for that. Healing is hard work. At our particular place, we are in the scab of the wound. It keeps getting picked off and scars are starting to form, but with plenty of reminders and a great big bandaid, that scab has started being left alone. I love my husband, I really do. And what happened between he and I, well, I am sorry for that too, but what did it teach us? It taught us that we aren't "over". That we are meant to be married. That love conquers all. So now we do a weekly date night. Last week we went to youngs and I have funny pics from that. The week before we also did something fun. I think this week we are going out again. To a tattoo shop. Yep, another tat for me. And him. Something "symbolic" that puts the whole cherade behind us. I'm getting a butterfly on my back...at the shoulder line. I think he's getting our little girl's name somewhere on him. I also want to get my nose pierced, but I may not do it for fear of being ridiculed. Individuality is important to me, and if it means you have 90 piercings and are full of tattoo's...at least that's you. :).

So there's the update. Boring! I'll write more.

Oh ouch.

I don't know what to do! I started my running program just fine, then one morning decided to go biking. That night, I went for a short session of the walk/run I'd been doing. And I could not do it.

I suffered a knee injury 2 years ago at work. I was squatting to a stand when my knee popped and gave out on me. I was diagnosed with patello-femoral chondromalacia...or softening of the cartilage. No fun at all...even now 2 years later when I am despirately trying to get back into shape.

Today during my run/walk, I wrapped my knee as suggested by a good friend of mine. I thought, more stabilization would be so much better, so I'll be able to finish this today. Nope. I did 5 minutes of a brisk walk, 60 seconds of a slow jog, 90 seconds of walking, then 45 seconds jogging, 2 minutes walking and then finally 30 seconds jogging. I couldn't finish what I had started and I was devastated. I don't know what to do.

So writing this blog, I sit here when ice, rather a bag of peas, on my bad knee. And it is swollen to all hell.

Injuries suck. Especially when they don't heal properly.

Caring for kids

This week starts a new semester for me in nursing school. The last 32 weeks focused on the care of adults, medicaitons, nursing careplans, and so on. This 8 weeks focuses on caring for children...something that freaks me out so much. You'd figure it wouldn't bother me so much being a mom of a child already, but it does. I don't like to see my own child sick, and I hated seeing sick kids/babies come in through the ER when I worked there. I know kids get sick, some kids get very very very sick, but it doesn't alleviate the fear of caring for one. My goal of being a careflight nurse includes caring for children, and I hope I don't freeze when I have to take care of a child who is a trauma victim.

Many people say "I don't know how you do it...I can't be a nurse. I can't see blood/clean up stool, care for elderly" blah blah blah. I don't mind caring for adults. But I am scared of caring for children.

Next Tuesday I will start caring for children at Nationwide Children's Hospital...doing careplans, giving medications...taking care of wee ones. I just hope all goes ok.

Today, Day 3

Well, my other blogs on myspace about running are, well, history. I had a few good ones on there that I never thought to save until AFTER I cancelled the account and couldn't log back in. So I'll start with running day 3 here!

To reiterate what I am up to, I started "The Couch to 5K Running Plan". It's a nice running plant that starts you off very slow, because as the article states clearly this is COUCH to 5K. Not walking to 5K, but COUCH. Shoot for me it's almost BED to 5K. I went from not doing any form of exercise to a running program. And before anyone yells at me, yes, running is bad for the knees. It's bad for a lot...but it will help build bone too. So there.

Today, day 3 started off like days 1 and 2. I take a day off in between each day for rest and relaxation because it's not good to run every single day. The first 3 days I am to warm up with a brisk 5 minute walk (after a good 5 minute stretch) then alternate 60 seconds of running with 90 seconds of walking. Days 1 and 2 went great! No pain in the knees, no shortness of breath. On day 2 I went biking in the morning and felt some pain in my knees. When I ran on day 2 I felt ok. Day 3.....well, lets say I was hunting for ice at 10pm. I felt awesome afterward except for the pain in my knees. I can't stand feeling like I'm old...I need to run, I need to do this for myself and I need to take it slowly, but I also need for my knee to knock it off so I can exercise without pain.

So Rest, Ice Compression, Elevation found me at 11pm. Along with some lovely ibuprofen that has me tired.

I'll have to get some pictures up here of before and during training. It'll be nice to see the changes that occur!

First of the blog

Wow. It's been a while since I blogged. Scary to me still! Anyway, since myspace was cancelled per a request, I started this lovely blog. I can't hand write things down, it's hard on the hands. Gotta keep my hands nice! LOL! No, actually I type so much faster than write. I'm going to blog about a lot. A lot might be boring. A lot might not be so boring. No matter what I won't care what anyone thinks. So there.