Why can't it just go SMOOTHLY?

Oh the dreadful thought of being jobless AND insuranceless.

I have a history of a large ovarian cyst on my right ovary. Yeah, it sucks, I have tried BCP for it for a month and it didn't go away. It started causing me trouble yesterday again...

I was grocery shopping with my child in Wal-mart when "F*** OUCH!" What the H was that? And "OH" again? By this point I'm squatting in the soup isle trying to gather my barings. I stand up and "SHIT!" it hurt again. I felt like I got shot or something burst. But "OOOHHHHH" it hurt so bad.

I managed to finish my shopping and got us to the car, loaded the car and crouched down beside Logan in the parking lot. I texted my husband, Bill, and said "my side really hurts bad". Within a few minutes he called me back and asked what was going on. I was driving trying to keep the pain off of my mind but by this time it was so rediculously bad that I just kept breathing. I explained to him what was happening and he became worried. Thought for sure I'd have to go to the ER, but I refused. He was afraid it was my appendix, I wasn't so sure but didn't want to endure the ER with a cranky hungry 3 year old by myself. Poor Bill was on his way back to the farm after making a delivery, so he couldn't get there immediately.

I got home, unloaded the car and got back in the house when the searing pain came back. I spent a good part of an hour trying to just calm down and NOT throw up because I was in so much pain. I felt cold, clammy and ill, the pain was more intense than I ever remember having.

I tried calling my OB/GYN who is out of town. Crap. So I pondered the ER again. Then I called my family doc who wanted to see me immediately. Immediately meant driving an hour to her office. I met up with Bill in a parking lot where he left his truck and came with me to the office.

In the office the pain began to subside. Every now and then I'd have some searing pain but not as bad as it origionally started out. I just sat still and tried hard not to cry. Finally I was called back.

In the office I was asked a million questions: surgeries, sexual history, pregnancy/birth...she ran the gauntlet. So then came the fun part we women just love...the pelvic. Well, at least she ruled out the appendix.

Up in those lovely stirrups she felt for my ovaries. She said she felt an odd mass over my right side and ordered a stat ultrasound. Back to town we flew.

The ultrasound went and I went home thank goodness. I got the results this morning: I have an abnormally shaped ovarian cyst on my right side. Abnormal? What's this mean? Hm, well it's not round like it should be. This scares the dickens out of me.

So while I am dreading the results of this lovely exam, I also have one more thing to consider. Insurance.

I won't go into the boring details but basically I'm not being scheduled enough hours to keep my insurance. My new nurse manager refuses to schedule me more than one day a week, and I am under worker's comp restrictions of working only 8 hours a day...which Community doesn't support. So I'm left with no hours, no insurance and thus no money.

Bill's elated I'm home with him and Logan...and I am happy about it too, but what do I do? Is it my fault for not fighting hard enough for my hours I had at Mercy? Is it my fault that I won't (and at this point can't) get my restrictions ammended? I just lost my worker's comp doc (she passed away last week) so it's not like I can just call and ask for this. I have to find another POR and go from there. And that's proven harder than it should be.

So back to my question of what to do! If I get regular insurance I won't be covered for this for a year. I graduate in 5 months and I'll have insurance through Good Sam if they hire me. But how serious is an irregular shaped cyst? They didn't say mass...they said cyst. Now, as a nurse I should know that irregular and cyst usually don't go well together. But it could be that it ruptured and that was the immense pain I felt.

I hate this feeling of what to do...especially with my health. I am also beating myself up for not doing something about it when I had the chance. But money is tight and doctors aren't free and work hours aren't paid when there isn't work that is done.

What to do.